Well, I’ve done it again.  I’ve come up with another ingenious play to pick up busty dullards. This one’s gonna knock your socks off, and hopefully hers. I call it…


Success Rate: 1%
Attracts: bodacious beach babes
Requirements: beach house, two best friends, rope, sunglasses, mustache
Prep Time: approximately three weeks
Bummers: may attract unwanted police and/or paramedics


1. Rent a beach house in the Hamptons.

2. Recruit two friends who are capable of supporting your entire body weight for extended periods of time.

3. Apply fake mustache and sunglasses.

4. Sit in a lounge chair underneath a beach umbrella and pretend to be dead.

5. Tie one end of a rope to your wrist and have your friend hold on to the other end. (The rope should be fed through a pulley affixed to a beach umbrella, obviously.)

6. Wait for a beach babe to chase her wind-swept volleyball onto your pool deck.

7. Have your friend pull on the rope to simulate you waving.

8. Have sex.