You may have seen that 1999 film with the little blond dude who chats up dead people. You may have also seen him get interrupted by Keyboard Cat on YouTube. Well, I, just like him, have a sixth sense. The only difference? Mine is sex-related and way, way cooler. Let’s call it a “sex sense.” You see, I have the uncanny ability to determine precisely how long it’s been since a lady has last lain with a man. But what if you aren’t as awesome as me and only have a mere five senses? Fear not, for I present to you an easy-to-follow flow chart to help you gauge just how hard-up your potential honey is.

Why is this important? Because there is a very narrow window of opportunity or, “bangotunity,” when a girl’s ready to get down. That window falls between 3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours and 3 weeks, 2 days, 6 hours. Needless to say, there is no room for error.