Attention fellow bros: you can stop reading this entry right now, ’cause this one is going out to the ladies.

Okay all you boob-owners, it’s the night before the most important day on the chick calendar and you’re freaking because you haven’t landed that dreamy prince who will shower you will rose petals and chocolate candies and give you a unicorn and stuff. You’re at the bar, but the competition is tough. Chicks are pulling moves normally only seen backstage at a ZZ Top concert. How do you stand out? Give that besuited fella you have your eye on a Desperation Day ™ card and make all his your dreams come true.

Instructions: Print the cards below, cut them out, and present to nearest bro.