Barney's Blog

Suits for sale

Every once in a while a king must step down from his throne to mingle with his subjects. Not only does it stave off the possibility of rebellion but it also allows him to choose some hot peasant chicks to prima knock boots with later.

If he’s a good king (like me) and his subjects have been loyal (like you) he may choose to not only grace them with his presence but also with presents. Word play five! Of course I’m using the phrase “grace them with presents” loosely insofar as I’m not really giving you presents as much I’m selling you my old clothes, but I digress.

Here are ten of my old suits that I’m willing to let go for rock bottom prices.

BLUE PINSTRIPE – I bought this because I thought the pinstripes would help make me look like a Yankee. Spoiler alert: they did. It also didn’t hurt that whenever I wore it I carried a bat and a ball, chewed tobacco, and introduced myself as Jorge Posada. This would go on to become a very expensive legal problem. $3,565

WHITE LINEN – There’s only two people in the world who can pull off a white linen suit: Me and the God of Rock himself, David Lee Roth. Who wore it better? Let’s just call it a tie… you know, in case he’s reading. $8,495

DOUBLE-BREASTED ITALIAN – When my tailor called and offered to squeeze me into a double-breasted Italian I nearly fainted. I discovered he was talking about a suit and NOT some Milanese fashion model only after showing up at his door with a fiasco of Chianti and a sleeve of condoms. But the suit is just gorgeous. $4,000

AL CAPONE – For most of my life I thought the word “gangster” simply meant awesome. But then I found out there’s a second definition of the word, which is “well-dressed.” This suit actually belonged to Al Capone, a notoriously awesome and well-dressed man. Let’s just say when you don this number, the ladies won’t find you untouchable. $9,600

BIRTHDAY SUIT – Made from only the finest invisible linen, this number is perfect for celebration. Let’s say… $1,000?

THREE-BUTTON HERRINGBONE – More like “three-button herringbone.” Whoa, weird. I didn’t even have to do anything to that word. Anyway, let’s just say this suit lived up to its name. Unrelated, you should definitely get this thing dry cleaned before wearing it. Heck, maybe even wet cleaned. $2,775

SUIT-JAMAS – For the distinguished sleeper. These classy bedtime threads offer the best in comfort and style while offering an easy access “pee pee hole” and “bum bum flap.” Don’t be fooled by unauthorized Australian replicas – buy the real thing. $1,100 USD

SMOKING JACKET – This one is devastating to part with. It’s the smoking jacket Hef used to wear while puttering around the mansion. If you’re wondering what pants go with it then this obviously isn’t the jacket for you. $186,472

SCUBA SUIT – I’ve used this suit to pick up dozens of lovely ladies in MacLaren’s and a few slightly-less-lovely ladies down by the docks. Comes with goggles, snorkel, oxygen tank and corpse locator beacon. (Note: This is a prop suit. If you try to dive with it, you will die.) $3,180

SAVILE ROW THREE-PIECE – For years this three-piece beauty was my go-to uniform for weddings, bar mitzvahs and the AVN Awards. The only reason I’m getting rid of it is because Ted said he really likes it. $0

  • Leo Tester

    SAVILE ROW THREE-PIECE i’ll take it

  • Pranish

    I would like to have Savile Row Three Piece…. wanna have a sovereign of the player king of new york city
    … Just to ask can u call your guy to call some guy to Send it to India?

    • Tristan

      Yeah, I’m sure guy the guy guy can get a guy

  • Rachel

    SAVILE ROW THREE-PIECE. The only reason I order this is because I’m a big fan of Barney Stinson !! It would be awesome !!! :)

  • John Lane

    The smoking jacket. I feel like if it could talk would tell the Most interesting of stories. And since we have similar frames and it fit you well I’m sure I could do justice for it.

  • B.m. Anim

    hahahahahah Suits are awesome! Barney’s the one who’s perfectly fit for it! 😉

  • Colin Tan

    Totally. Do you have a picture?

  • Alessandro Dini

    Where can I submit an offer for the Suit-Jamas????

    • Ker Njdlove

      They are real. You can get them on Amazon!

  • Prashant Yadav

    If you won’t have donated your diamond embedded suit, I would have offered to buy that.

  • shayan

    every times i want to think barney is a real character but i know that :) you are barney and no one cant be barney stinson anywhere in the world Except YOU and that’s why you are AWESOME

  • shayan

    suit UP

  • shayan


  • Mustafa Güneş


  • tim

    are there pictures of these suits

    • Kk

      If you need pictures you obviously do not watch enough of Barneys show

  • Andreas Hofer

    I would like to have a suit-jama because i want to be “well-dressed” in bed too, bro.