Barney's Blog

The sex tape conundrum

True fact: Every single person in the world will make a sex tape once in their life. Which brings up a question of bro-to-bro etiquette: Do you watch another bro’s sex tape? I recently struggled mightily with this issue myself. So that no bro must suffer what I suffered, I with the help of some alumni from my alma mater, (they were working on some sort of lame cancer vaccine thing, pft, boring) devised a simple equation to help you answer this question.

Feel free to press play on that Blue Ray player if your bro’s conquest is hotter than the strength of your bro-lationship:

H > ((.FF X Lbs) / 3A) X BrF


H = Chick’s hotness on the traditional 1-10 scale

FF = Freak Factor – percentage chance of your bro being into something really freaky

Lbs = Your bro’s weight

A = Your bro’s age

BrF = Bro Factor – being on a scale of 0-10, the closeness of your relationship with your bro. 0 being not a bro – 10 being your separated-at-birth Siamese twin brother.

Here’s an example or two to illustrate:

Should Vince Neil watch bro, Tommy Lee’s, sex tape? Let’s go to the formula to find out:

9 > ((.76 X 185) / (3 X 33) X 7

9 is not greater than 9.4941 – Sorry Vince. You’re stuck watching reruns of Baywatch if you wanna see Pam’s cans.

Should Larry Flynt watch any of Hugh Hefner’s many, many sex tapes? Hugh’s probably not doing anything freaky enough to weird ol’ Lar-dog out, so…

9 > ((.23 X 125) / (3 X 85) X 3

9 is greater than .33823 – Press play without fear, Mr. Flynt.

Should Chewbacca push play on R2D2’s head to watch a sex hologram of Han Solo gettin’ on with the Princess? Well, Leia is pretty hot, but Han has done the Kessel run and they do weird stuff on that planet, so who knows what he’s into. Plus Wookies are notoriously prudish, with the exception of having a bit of a furry fetish. Let’s run the numbers:

8 > ((.50 X 180) / (3 X 33) X 9

8 is not greater than 8.181. But, this is Leia in the metal bikini we’re talking about. So Chewie’s probably gonna watch, as well he should.

  • Do you have a name for this formula ?

    It`s important :))

  • Bassespeed

    Hmm true bro true

  • Kjemenckof

    hahaha nice xD

  • Koustubh

    barney, y din u calculate urs and marshal’s thing??

  • Jared

    thanks for the formula

  • Nice! Thanks!

  • jacob
  • jacob

    cheek out this awesome blog

  • jacob
  • Tim Goldsweer

    Barney must have studied awesometology!

  • cheek out this awesome blog

  • Aumayr Gerald

    it´s stupit but important :))
    but the people are a litle bit fat :))

  • Pamella

    Barney, you’re disgusting!!!

  • Barney, you’re awesome!

  • Florian Arndt

    Once again truly inspiring yet evidently awesome as is the recently established blog by Lord of Life . check it out at, when liked go to facebook and tell your friends by ©

  • Katie

    There was way too much math in this for my brain. I’m just gonna stay away from anything that involves my friends naked. It seems safest.

    • tedmosby

      yea but he got an f

  • ricky

    Now this formula can take out the guilt from my mind

  • Roxenna89

    Lol! Nice…

  • This is…..wait for it…..AWESOME!!! ^______^pc

  • anonymous

    true story

  • lol thats very nice , named it !

  • Hmmm…….i have to say this somewhat appalls me… the equation the advanced age of the bro totally increases the chance you’re able to see it. I think i really rather watch a 23 year old bro getting it on than an 80 year old bro…….just think about it!

  • Robertonunes99

    Dude, i´m living your life (i already banged 28 chicks in one month) tnks bro !

    • Keron Sepp

      A Bro never publically reveals how many chicks he’s banged.

  • Jannis

    What i admire most on Neil Patrick Harris is,that he is a gay person in real life(I have nothing against gays) and plays in ‘How i met ur mother’ a guy,who is getting every woman o.O
    Respect dude :-]

  • bro

    I appreciate this Barney, saved me a pickle bro!

  • Pablock0

    Respect Barney! sincerly from chile! you’re fucking awesome

  • Gel Licuanan01


  • Neela

    Barney INVENTED awesometology (;

  • tedmosby

    i am confused about the second bit… also WTF BARNEY