This week my friend Ted used the word “ridonkulous” to describe the body of a potential hottie in the bar, thereby driving the final nail into that word’s coffin. Thank God. You see, words like “ridonkulous” cheapen the English language and, more importantly, make one sound like a complete wad… even if that chick’s body was totally off the chain and despite chillin’ with my shorty I had to get my scope on. I mean, YOLO, amirite? What up!
To help hasten the demise of “ridonkulous” and other goofy words and phrases, I have selflessly generated a “no-say” list. From this day hence, anyone heard uttering the following words shall be promptly kicked in the nuts*… even if it’s a chick.
OFFICIALLY PLAYED-OUT WORDS
off the chain
…said no one, ever.
Up in herrrrr
that moment when…
first world problems”
(I’m sorry, but I don’t like my problems to be minimized. When your tailor suddenly closes early because of a “family emergency” that is nothing short of a tragedy.)
totes / totes jelly
(Exception: my boy Joe Biden! He cray cray!)
(as in “that’s sick”) [sic.]
(Hey, maybe if you worked a little harder you wouldn’t be stuck with everyone else. Just a thought.)
Instagraming a picture of what you are about to eat with the caption “nom nom”
so this is happening…
* I reserve the right to say any of these phrases without fear of any scrotal-based retribution. Why? Because I made up the rule, son!