Barney's Blog

Phone Sex Mad-Libs

In your lifetime as a Bro, you will undoubtedly be called upon numerous times to seduce a woman over the phone. That’s just life. To help you along when you eventually get the call to make the call, I’ve crafted this easy-to-follow script. It’s in Brolib form, so simply write down your answers and then fill in the appropriate blanks, then fill in her appropriate blanks. Come on, it was right there.

1. Your name
2. A clearly fake name
3: Awesome Event
4: Kick-ass Profession (Not Architect)
5: A Kardashian or Deity or Both
6: Batman Action Verb ending in “ED”
7: Place to go to the bathroom other than a toilet
8: An object used to hit a ball
9: Body part from the game “Operation”
10: Write the word “Good”
11: Write the word “Good” again
12: What you yell when hitting a three-pointer or executing a finishing move in Mortal Kombat
13: What a magician says after a trick.

Hello. My name is ___1___, ugh… I mean, ____2____. I understand that you’re currently at the ____3____. Don’t be concerned that we haven’t met and you don’t know who I am. Actually, just so you know, I’m a ____4____. Just say a small prayer of thanks to ____5____ that you have been randomly chosen to be ____6____ to the highest degree. Now, find a small, private ____7____. Go there. Are you there? Good. Now, take a ____8____ and start rubbing it all over ____9____. How does that feel? ____10____? Yeah, I bet it feels ____11____. Now, try to keep quiet. We don’t want people hearing your screams of “___12___.” Almost there now, and…____13____. You’ve just been telephonically satisfied, courtesy of ____1____. Ugh, I mean, ____2____.

  • Karen

    Hello, my name is Karen, ugh, I mean Cptn McAwesomeville. I understand that you’re currently at the Slutoween party Don’t be concerned that we haven’t met and you don’t know who I am. Actually, just so you know, I’m a rich guy. Just say a small prayer of thanks to Johnny Depp that you have been randomly chosen to be beat-ed to the highest degree. Now, find a small, private tree. Go there. Are you there? Good. Now take a hockey stick and start rubbing it all over your spleen. How does that feel? Good? Yeah, I bet that feels good. Now try to keep quiet. We don’t want people hearing your screams of “Groovy, Baby!” Almost there now and… Voila. You have been telephonically satisfied, courtesy of Karen. Ugh, I mean Cptn McAwesomeville

    Just for the record, I’ve never played “Operation”

  • bro

    Hello my name is josh, ugh… i mean Pierre. i understand that your currently at the laser tag championship. don’t be concerned that we haven’t met and you don’t know who i am. Actually, just so you know, I’m a robot programer. just say a small prayer of thanks to kim kardashian that you have been randomly chosen to be bateranged to the highest degree. now find a small, private bush. go there. are you there? good. now take a bat and rub it all over your spleen. How does that feel? good? Yeah, i bet it feels good. Now, try to keep quiet. we don’t want people hearing your screams of “Oh, Yeah!” almost there now, and… BAMSHKA!. You’ve just been telephonically satisfied, courtesy of josh. Ugh, I mean, pierre.

  • Tom

    Hello. My name is Tom, ugh… I mean, Harry. I understand that you’re currently at the Chewbacca Convetion. Don’t be concerned that we haven’t met and you don’t know who I am. Actually, just so you know, I’m a stripper. Just say a small prayer of thanks to Kim Kardashian that you have been randomly chosen to be shapanged to the highest degree. Now, find a small, private alley way. Go there. Are you there? Good. Now, take a pool cue and start rubbing it all over your wish bone How does that feel? Good? Yeah, I bet it feels good. Now, try to keep quiet. We don’t want people hearing your screams of “Finish Him.” Almost there now, and… Hey Presto. You’ve just been telephonically satisfied, courtesy of Tom. Ugh, I mean, Harry.

  • Raj

    in which season ted will meet his “THE ONE”……..someone plzzzz answer…………