Barney's Blog

Patent pending


Barney Stinson
Fortress of Barnitude
Awesomeville, USA 696969

United States Patent and Trademark Office
ATTN: Commissioner for Patents
P.O. Box 1450
Alexandria, VA

Dear Sir or Madam… actually, just Sir. If you’re a madam, just pass this over to a sir. Thanks, lady.

Six years ago I applied for patents on two inventions. You rejected the Chick Magnet citing fears of “catastrophic radioactive fallout.” Fair enough. No hard feelings. I sold the idea to a company in Turkmenistan that is beginning tests on a prototype Chick Magnet. Based on a very quick image search, I hope it’s a strong one. Yikes.

You never responded to my second idea, however, and I’d like to resubmit my patent application. The American Inventors Protection Act of 1999 (Public Law 106-113, 113 Stat. 1501) clearly states that any person who “invents or discovers any new and useful process, machine, manufacture, or composition of matter, or any new and useful improvement thereof, may obtain a patent.” I think you’ll find my invention easily meets those criteria. Ready?

Back Boobs.

That’s right. The visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggie style. (I’d also like to patent that slogan.)

The idea is simple: Supplement the modern female chest with an equally supple bosom atop her currently flat shoulder blades. This way women can elevate their social status by doubling their cleavage while men gain the ability to gawk at a pair of cans without having to feign eye contact or interest in whatever it is women talk about… Our best guess is “shopping.”

While the invention is tentatively titled “Back Boobs,” I’d also like to file for protection of the following possible names:

“Back Rack”
“Mirror Melons”
“Boob Mullet”
“Double D 360”
“Flesh Backpack”

In addition, I’d like to file for provisional patents on potential collateral inventions such as:

“The Extreme Sports Bra”
“The Double Bikini”
“Back Boob Jobs”
“Fully Topless Bars”
“Reverse Motorboating”

I anxiously await your response. We’re excited to begin “development.”

Barney Stinson

  • Victor Wierda

    Don’t forget the delight of touching boobs while undoing a bra. Not to mention the rise in lingerie-stock as prices will increase. I’m buying victoria’s secret tomorrow.

  • stephen

    “Double D 360″ excellent 😛

  • Kristiqn Rusev

    Back Boob Jobs lol

  • Le Wild Female

    Exquisite idea. I’m a lady and I find this very cool actually.

  • Desousa93

    I love how this blog blurs reality and fiction.

  • man09

    “Reverse Motorboating”..

  • someone from iran

    youtube = barney stinson blog!

  • Orange_goose666

    I like it!

  • Daniel_kristen

    Hi Barney, I just love your coments or you as a actor in “how i met your mother”, i have been watching every season every episode !!!!!! its awesome, and it´s legend wait for it wait for it, LEGENDARY

  • Maike2298

    you’re the best! i like your show, comments and so on. . . you are so legen, wait for it, DARY!!! LEGENDARY!!!!!!

  • Someone

    Why you have not pulled another naked man is beyond me. If it works two out of three times and it has failed once for you, the laws of the universe dictate that you can do it twice without fear of failure. Killed with logic.

  • Ioannismichail

    Man , The best was The Thing with hans Gruber . Awesome

  • Ted

    Barney i love u.
    U are legen wait for it DARY. LEGENDARY.
    Best bro ever

  • Mrs Stinsfire

    Hey Bro! You’re awesomely witty! Back-Five! Love ya!

  • Ted’s Enemy

    Hey Barney, check this out! Look at what i found!

  • Matsgottenberg

    I love “Double D 360″.

    Barney, you rock!

    Regards, Norway.

  • Shoeb

    Epic “Double D 360”

  • tedmosby