I am not Canadian. How do I know this? Because I’m not terrible. Here are just a few of the infinite number of reasons why America is better than Canada…
||The United States of Awesome
||312 million (over 10x bigger!)
||French and English
||Federal parliamentary democracy and constitutional monarchy
||Not sure, but it’s gotta be better than Canada’s!
|Three stripes and a maple leaf
||Thirteen stripes and fifteen stars. Note to Canada: To clarifiy that’s fifty massive, luminous balls of plasma, that through the monoculear fusion create the energy that powers the entire universe. But definitely stick with the leaf. That’ll get you laid.
||Not the loonie
||Every other sport ever
||"The Star Spangeled Banner" Note to Canada: The title of you anthem is hilariously appropriate.
||Niagara Falls AND the Playboy Mansion
||Aggressive, nasty, bitter, resentful… In short, kick-ass
||Individuals who wish to possess firearms must have a valid possession license and must complete the Canadian Firearms Safety Course, weas well as passing a background check and waiting the mandatory 28 day waiting period
||Universal and free
||Poor people die
||Celine Dion, Rush, Bare Naked Ladies, Bryan Adams, Paul Anka, Alanis Morissette, Gordon Lightfoot, Nickleback
||Jon Bon Jovi
|Best place to eat
||Really? Pam Anderson? First of all, she’s super old. Second of all, when she wasn’t old, do you know where she went? I’ll gicve you a hint: It’s direcly south of you and has hotter chicks