Barney Stinson's favorite things

Barney here. As you all know, I’m a big ol’ giver. I like to get in there and just give hard. So this week, partly inspired by the holidays but mostly inspired by my massive bonus check, I decided to elevate my giving to a new level of awesome.

You may have heard about an anonymous donor anonymously showering the patrons of MacLaren’s Pub with hundreds of anonymous gifts. Well, that awesome anonymous donor was me. Shhh… don’t tell anyone.

Here’s a list of what I gave:

Pez dispensers

Velour tracksuits

Lap dances at the Lusty Leopard

Barney Stinson novelty condoms (extra thin, for his pleasure)

Remote controlled dinosaurs

Silk neckties (water resistant up to 100 meters)

Hypercolor t-shirts

Digital barbeque tongs

Zune mp3 players (Cobra Kai limited edition)

Whoopie cushions

Autographed copies of “The Playbook” (available wherever books are sold, seriously)

Snap bracelets

Hoverboards (they don’t work on water, you bojos)

Gorgonzola cheese wedges

“I Love NY” mousepads

AM/FM alarm clocks (with built-in high-definition cameras)

Bootleg copies of “Space Teens” (with deleted, unrated scenes)

Gift certificates to Emilio’s Tailor Shop

Actual working light sabers

Segways

Hugh Hefner life-size cutouts

Mini-trampolines (ladies only)

Armani pocket squares

Box of hair products (stolen from Ted’s bathroom)

In addition to my generosity at the bar, I’ll be donating to the following charities:

Feed the Cute Children

Doctors Without Pants

ACLBoobs

Defenders of Nightlife

NPR (National Pubic Radio)

The Red Polka-Dot Cross

Designer Shoes for the Homeless

Society for the Immediate Banishment of Brassieres

Athletic Police League

Save the Puppies

American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Blondes

The Rockettes

International Organization for the Enhancement of Mammary Glands

St. Nude’s Research Hospital

NRDC (Naughty Resource Defense Council)

Oxfam Acapulco