Barney's Blog

The Mosby Boys

The Mosby Boys

An open letter to the Better Business Broreau…

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to share my frustration with The Mosby Boys Detective Agency (a.k.a. “Ted”).  The Mosby Boys are headed by Theodore Evelyn Mosby, an incompetent “man” who has no business leading an organization.  And I should know… I’m his best friend.

Here are some of the issues I’ve encountered in far too many interactions with the Mosby Boys:

The Mosby Boys have been known to launch investigations without consent.  Actually, Ted has launched all of his investigations after being expressly told not to.

Mosby Boys investigators frequently present theories in a pompous and drawn-out fashion.  On one occasion, after I couldn’t find my phone in the bar, Ted led us on a fruitless, three-hour re-enactment tour around the city before returning to the bar, where I discovered it was in my suit pocket the whole time.

The Mosby Boys uniform appears to be a flannel shirt purchased at a grocery store, ill-fitting jeans, and domestic shoes.

Ted’s collegiate degrees are in the field of architecture, not forensic science.  Ted seems to think all he needs is a wrinkled trench coat, a vintage magnifying glass he originally purchased as a “conversation piece,” and a stack of Dick Tracy comic books I found in what I previously-assumed to be his porn box.

The Mosby Boys have an unbelievably bad record at solving mysteries.  They’re like the Cleveland sports team of private investigators.  Here are a few of their most notable failures:

– “The Case of the Deleted Frontlines” – Despite living with a Canadian at the time, Ted was unable to get to the bottom of who erased his PBS documentaries from the DVR to make room for Stanley Cup playoff games.

– “The Case of the Single Ted” – After some thirty years spent gathering evidence, Ted still has no answer for his perpetual singleness.  It wouldn’t be such a tragedy if he actually took advantage of being unattached.

– “The Case of the Crappy Dresser” – Related to the above, but Ted still hasn’t figured out that your belt should match your shoes.

– “The Case of the Vanishing Hotties” – I was in the bar working on a rare twins scenario when Investigator Mosby plopped down at the table and started rehashing clues from “The Case of the Overcharging Dry-Cleaner.”  Next thing I know, the twins had disappeared.  Still working on that one, Ted???

– “The Pineapple Incident” – One day we’ll let him in on this one.

  • Dickie V

    Ted Mosby will soon reveal Dick Vitale to be his spirit animal

  • bro guy

    Your so wise bro . Seriuesly im 14 but im learning how to live from the awsomness god .

  • lady barney

    Ted definitely needs to suit up n be awesome instead.. 😀

  • TheBeaverSong

    Seriously, what was that pineapple about?!

    • Barney


      • Shinoj P John

        please tell us barney…….its killing me

    • Hugh Williams

      In the DVD edition, it shows that Ted stole it from ‘The Captain’ on his way home, that’s why The Captain refers to Zoe as “The second thing you stole from me.”

    • Ruchi Iyer

      Check this out, the deleted scene!

  • Philip Müller

    I think the mosby boys are not as weird as Doctor X.

  • AwesomeAlex

    I totally agree with you! Ted is the woerst detective I have ever seen in my entrie life. But “The case of the single Ted” is quite sad because after so many years of searching for the perfect woman he finally found her and then a few years later she died thats one of the sadest storys I have ever seen in my life.

  • barney

    Wat is wrong w ted how many dates has he been on

  • barney

    Unless ted sleepwalks the pinnaple came out of thin air or a crazy girl brought it

  • barney fan

    Barney i need The game book !!

  • Manuel Luna

    remember when Abbey kept on telling bad things about barney.

  • barney

    I say after ted banged her he got up agian and mugged someone and beat him up with his own fruit seriously get you’re heads out of you’re butts

  • Szabo marcell

    Please please please

  • Szabo marcell

    Barney I ‘cant speke english I reade the brother code and a playbook

  • flirting platypus

    i still haven’t found why the pineapple. can anyone tell?

  • sid parmar

    The pineapple incident is solved already…. but I guess Mosby Boss doesn’t know about it…. Hahaha a Lol

  • Legen- wait for it..

    he really needs an intervention. i’ll get the banner..

    • Thomas

      Il get the rest of the gang :p

  • Ruchi Iyer

    “And I should know… I’m his best friend” :p That was too funny
    Whenever barney used to tell this,i would burst into laughter :*