Barney's Blog

How to dress your baby

There’s an 83% chance you’re gonna wind up with one of your own so unless you want to wind up raising a Ted, you better learn how to dress it.

Next time you’re casually standing next to the pack n’ plays at the local Babies “R” Us projecting a responsible, yet sexy vibe for all those single moms (sleep deprivation = poor decision making = erky erky in the diaper section), take a moment to notice all of that teeny-tiny clothing. There are three sections: one for baby bros, one for baby chicks, and a third heap of hideous booger green and pee-pee yellow onesies. This pile of sadness is called “unisex” clothing.  Unisex is always a bad idea. It was a bad idea when CKOne was a thing and it’s a bad idea now.

Sure, like a hundred years ago no one knew if they were having a little Tommy Lee or a tiny Pamela, but we have science now, people! Science has given us rovers on Mars, Carmen Electra’s rack, and now allows us to register for an entire wardrobe of dashing three-piece baby suits or poofy, pink dresses.

When was the last time you shopped in a unisex section? What? You don’t? Thought so. So why subject your newest little bro to that indignity? (And if you have been shopping in a unisex section of any store anywhere, re-read blogs 1-131. And then write me an apology note. Seriously.)

Never leave the house without wrapping those little toesies in some itty-bitty socks. Otherwise every grandma within a thirty block radius is gonna stop to tell you your baby is cold. Also, have you seen baby socks? Squee!

Can’t go wrong with a suit… just make sure the tie isn’t too tight.

  • he he wanna see that, a little Barney Stinson in a suit, with a ducky tie

  • Babies grow incredibly fast in the first few weeks of life. Some babies only fit into newborn size clothing for a short time. Some don’t fit into newborn sizes at all!

  • Shujiinko

    It has to be naked so anyone can see the nice body 😀

  • Omar El-banna

    unisex (Y)

  • Wrwrverv

    i wish that when i was a baby my parents had the decency to put me in a suit. i asked my dad to buy me one and he said that the way i wear my school uniform tie is a disgrace and the is no chance in hell. :(

  • Nice post. Before reading this post I don’t know anything about unisex clothes. You have made really some good points about how to dress your baby. It’s really important to us. Keep it up.

  • When you are doing shopping for your babies .Keep one thing in your mind babies grow quickly out of the clothes. Try to shop the clothes that are little bit large than your baby size. Try to shop cotton material because baby’s skin is too sensitive wool & other fabric clothes can harm your baby skin. Choose the clothes that provide comfort to your baby.

  • I really need this post.Some times am really get confuse when am going to dress my baby.Its really a daunting task for me.I am always prefer cotton stuff for my baby because according to me baby skin is so soft & cotton stuff is perfect for baby skin.

  • Great tips. Any updates coming soon?

  • Robert Phillip

    Excellent content on baby’s clothing. I am impressed.