Barney's Blog

Holiday Ins


The holidays often bring about strong feelings in people: nostalgia, thankfulness, and, of course, horniness.  That means for gents and ladies on the prowl, you don’t necessarily need to bring your A-game.  In fact, the holidays present the perfect opportunity to utilize the minimum effort required of mankind’s most basic move – the pick-up line.

HISTORICAL FACTOID:  Did you know that the first pick-up line was actually the first instance of human language?  A Neanderthal man approached a hairy Neanderthal chick and said: “If I show you my bone will you show me your cave?”

Here are some lazy but effective lines to try out during the holidays:

Presidents’ Day:  I’d like to visit YOUR oval office. 

Groundhog Day:  My hog can’t help but see his shadow.

Valentine’s Day:  Single?

St. Patrick’s Day:  I will shamrock your world.

Arbor Day:  I wanna make you bark. / Check out my trunk. / I’d like to give you my branch and then leave. (Treeway tie)

Cinco De Mayo: Wanna have breakfast on Sixo de Mayo?

Memorial Day:  You make it hard to fly my flag at half-staff.  

Labor Day:  It’s Labor Day, baby, why are you workin’ it?

Election Day: More like “Erection Day!”  

Thanksgiving: Anything involving stuffing!

  • T-Mose

    Thanksgiving: Anything involving stuffing.. or giving.. to me

  • Nsianhdinshdjbd

    NOO!!! No pick-up lines should exist on Memorial Day that’s awful