Every once in a while I like to flip through my trusty Bro Notebook, or “Brotebook” (Ó, Ò, Ô… basically I call “dibs”). Amongst the countless pearls of wisdom I stumbled across a realization I made on the way to my wedding: I invited a lot of nut jobs.
You see, at any given wedding, there are always a few ticking time bombs just waiting to go off. Call them wild cards, call them characters, or call them crazy, but most people just call them family.
Below is the list of guests I thought might reasonably ruin my wedding. As is so often the case, I didn’t even think of the real wild card…
|Uncle Vic||Casual Racist|
|Aunt Shelly||Braless Dance Machine|
|Cousin Cecil*||Amateur Stuntman|
|Cousin Alfonso||Sexually Attracted To Cakes|
|Aunt Muriel||Frequently Tells Unsolicited, Gory Stories About Life As An E.R. Nurse**|
|Pop-Pop||Backyard Pyrotechnics Choreographer|
|Aunt Louise||Weasel Breeder|
|Uncle Richard||Severe/Explosive Flower Allergy|
|Little Jimmy||Upskirt Photography|
|Grandma Gladys||Chronic Nip-Slippery|
|Cousin Bernard||Plays A Little Fast And Loose With Accepted Rules Of Black Tie Decorum|
** not actually an E.R. nurse