— FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE —
On the heels of the successful “Bro Codes for Bibles” pilot program in which copies of The Gideon’s Bible were replaced by fresh copies of The Bro Code at select hotels across the country, Barney Stinson Enterprises is pleased to announce a big expansion (WINK!).
BSE has reached a deal with eleven worldwide airlines to include copies of the Bro Code in every seat-back pocket in place of the little-used emergency safety cards. Airlines are hopeful this will decrease incidents of air rage in which two dudes dispute over who gets the arm-rest, who called “dibs” on the hot flight attendant, and whether “he who smelt it, dealt it” applies in international airspace.* Additionally, the airlines have agreed to alert Barney Stinson via text of any female passengers rated 9.5 or higher inbound to a New York area airport excluding Newark, because now matter how you slice it, that’s still Jersey.
BSE has also come to agreement with several other institutions. Two major religions will swap out prayer books and/or hymnals for The Bro Code in their respective houses of worship; a global telecommunications company has agreed to replace the phone book with The Bro Code in all phone booths provided they can still find one; and the state of Texas is revising its laws regarding childbirth to strictly comply with “The Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You’re Awesome!”
In addition to these exciting ventures, BSE has also reached a deal to supplant the owners’ manuals with The Bro Code in new vehicles manufactured by these fine automobile companies:
• Alfa Bromeo
• BMW (Bro Motor Works)
• Land Brover
• Broldsmobile (retroactive)
Lastly, preliminary discussions are also under way with the following entities eager to replace their outmoded written works with The Bro Code: local election boards (ballots), restaurant chains (menus), Kansas department of education (“science” textbooks), and the United States National Archives (Constitution).
* Only in the cockpit