Barney's Blog

Barney’s Mail Sack

Dear Barney, I’m a really boring person. Most of my nights are spent dusting my antique camera collection and wondering when I’ll meet the future mother of my children. You, on the other hand, have legendary nights every night. How do you do it? Smed Tosbey

Dear Smed,

It’s simple. I am more awesome than you. Also, I never leave my apartment without my Legendary Night Kit (patent pending). As long as I have my trusty tools and weapons, I’m guaranteed a Legendary Night ™ no matter where I’m at or who I’m with. How full-proof is this kit? So full-proof that I’ve had multiple Legendary Nights despite hanging out with:
• An ex-girlfriend
• A Bigfoot enthusiast
• A pregnant chick
• A whiny professor of architecture

You’ve probably never seen me access my Legendary Night Kit because it’s hidden in plain sight. While the casual admirer thinks I’m simply wearing a handmade Italian wool suit, look closer and in addition to the perfect seams, the diamond encrusted pinstripe, and an iridescent sheen achieved only through some ethically questionable sheep husbandry, you might notice the following items:

Around Neck:
TIE – Not just the pièce de résistance in your ensemble, it’s also useful for blindfolding, tethering hands to bedposts, and as a quick escape out the window.

Inner RightBreast Pocket:
PASSPORT (real) – Legendary nights aren’t confined to the good ol’ U.S. of A. How else are you going to see Canadian treasures the Dabrowski Sisters do the only Siamese twin stripper act in North America?

Inner Left Breast Pocket:
PASSPORT (fake) – Prince Edwardo of the Duchy of Bulgravia never has a boring night.

Right Pants Pocket:
GUMMI BEARS – Legendary nights can leave you tired. These rainbow colored little bastards are pure energy.

Left Pants Pocket:
DECK OF CARDS – A round or two of poker breaks the ice with anyone, from a couple of tipsy co-eds, to the roadie for Metallica, to that shady dude you met at the bodega who may or may not be ex KGB. Also: magic tricks.

Right Pants Leg:
SIX RED SOLO CUPS – There’s no such thing as a non-legendary game of Flip Cup.

Left Pants Leg:
LIGHTSABER – No explanation needed for why this is included. A reproduction will do if you can’t get a real one.

  • Eliisawsome18


  • Pt_scotty

    but barney where is the i am a ghost time traveler letter ?????

  • time to SUIT-UP…..! 😀 Barney “wait 4 it” Stinson :p

  • Memowmiller

    Ha,ha..and this is why I named by new puppy Barney!
    Because he is awesome
    And,yes,he suits up

  • Adenoidz
  • Bojanmilic84

    Dear Barney,
    You’re awesome.
    Please send me track list of your “get psyched” mixtape cd.
    Thank you.
    Sincerely yours
    Compadre Kg

  • Miley_smart

    you’re aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesome!!!!!!!!

  • Elizabeth Powell

    You all do know that Barney Stinson is a made up character on TV, right? Although, Neil Patrick Harris is pretty freakin AWESOME, has an AWESOME voice, and dresses AWEOMEly.

    (if Neil Patrick Harris is reading this, which he isn’t, you are awesome and I totally support gay dudes. Just not when they are look that good)

  • Victoria Scott

    How I met your mother is awesome but without Barney it would be very boring.

  • Namita

    have no wordz to describe “The Barney Stinson”
    cz you are aweeessssssooommmmeeee………..!!!! <3 <3 <3

  • shahab

    barney u are awesome ( i didnt know how i should to write this word)
    im a persian boy and im learning english
    after that i saw how i … my english improved and some times i speak like u
    any way im a awesome boy too so if u want to learn persian come to me and i will learn u how u can be a awesome speaker like me.

  • Amazing…my life revolves around the lessons Barney Stinson technically teaches me,yes,they may lead to my deaf one day but I’ll manage,and no,I ain’t gon’ stop lovin this man.

  • tedmosby

    barney what the hell! i didnt send you a thing! why do you always assume that it is me?

  • Doga Tekkaya

    Awesome !

  • suitup!

    your wrong i am awesomer tan you. remember that? i gave that to Marshall. True story.

  • 18year old D-cup virgin

    What’s flip cup?